Jeanne Davies
July 4, 2004
Highland Avenue Church of the Brethren
Fifth Sunday after Pentecost
A few years ago, I stopped in a convenience store for some coffee. As I stood pouring my morning cup, there was a crash and the sound of breaking glass. I looked toward the sound and a woman stood before a refrigerator door, a bottle smashed on the floor at her feet. She turned around and announced angrily, “It wasn’t me!” Taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions is sometimes not comfortable. And we live in a culture where admission of fault or failure is neither easy nor encouraged.
Bur God does not call us to easy or comfortable work. Jesus lovingly challenges people to examine where they are most vulnerable, places that need transformation. He confronts the woman at the well about her previous five husbands and the man she lives with now who is not her husband, he tells the rich man to sell everything and give it to the poor, he tells his beloved friend and disciple Peter the agonizing truth that Peter will deny even knowing him after Jesus is arrested.
In our scripture passage this morning, Paul tells us that if we detect someone in a transgression we should restore that person in a spirit of gentleness and that we should work for the good of all, especially for those of the family in faith. We must bear each others loads and confess ourselves to one another. This recalls to me the passage from Ephesians in which Paul says that “speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way…into Christ.” Part of our responsibility, then, as brothers and sisters in Christ, is to support one another to grow into Christian maturity.
In the Spring issue of The Seed Packet, the Church of the Brethren’s newsletter for Christian educators, Bethany professor, Russell Haitch wrote, “One mark of fellowship in the early church was their willingness and apparent desire to stand up and confess their sins in the gathering…spiritually speaking there are no private sins, since the members of Christ are so connected…[and] in true fellowship the power of love to separate people from sin is greater than the power of sin to separate people from one another.” I must admit that when I first read this, I laughed out loud. I thought, “Great idea brother. Let’s confess our sins publicly in the gathering. You go first.” But as I reflected on a deeper level, I think that we yearn for the kind of community in which we can be this fully known, accepted and loved, even with all of our faults. And as members of the Body of Christ, this is the kind of love we are meant to offer each other.
So how do we take this loving and sacred responsibility for one another? How do we build one another up and hold one another accountable? When we think of loving one another, we usually think of warm, fuzzy feelings. But true love is grittier, messier, more difficult. I believe speaking the truth in love is essential to the kind of Holy mutuality that God wants for us.
I am talking about real relationship. It’s the difference between a romance and a marriage. When in a romance, we go about with stars in our eyes, seeing only what is good and singing happy love songs. In a marriage, we sing a different kind of love song. The song that is borne of knowing faults, baring wounds and facing both joys and difficulties together. It is a deeper and more profound love, one with poignancy as well as beauty.
Love in religious life can be the same. Some seek from tradition to tradition. Attracted initially by some spiritual hunger that is fed, eventually they come to something in the tradition that they don’t like, something that is not comfortable, and so, disillusioned, they move on. There are some people who habitually “church shop,” ever seeking the right congregation that will better meet their social and spiritual needs. There comes a time several months or couple of years after joining a church where the honeymoon is over and some adjustment is made as those who have entered a community with stars in their eyes begin to see some of the warts, some of the difficulties. It is not as fun to have to deal with the dark side, in one’s self, in one another, in one’s community, in one’s country. But this is what God calls us to do, to bring light to darkness, healing to dysfunction, wholeness to brokenness.
I appreciate people who kindly and gently challenge me and tell me the truth in a way that allows me the opportunity to change. I remember when I first applied to be a licensed minister, two years ago. An older member of the congregation came up to me at coffee hour, looked me directly in the eye and said, “I understand that you want to be licensed. I was just wondering…What is your motivation?” I realized that I could not give a quick and glib answer. The question forced me to prayerfully search my heart, to examine all of my motivations for ministry.
New in my position here and new to ministry, I encountered another member in the sanctuary during midweek. He asked me how ministry was going. I responded, “Well, I think it’s going o.k. I don’t think I’ve done too much damage in the first two weeks.” He asked, “How would you know? I usually don’t know if I’ve done damage until a lot later on.” “Oh,” I thought, “Good point.” It was a humorous question but also a thoughtful one. A friend from seminary says that her first rule in ministry is the same as the physician’s Hippocratic Oath, “First do no harm.” And I have held that brother’s caution in the back of my mind as I go about my work here.
Now we are called to bear one another’s burdens and build each other up. To speak the truth in love which does not mean being unkind to others. Our scripture says to restore each other gently. But neither are we, as peacemakers, told to keep our peace at all costs. Being peacemakers does not mean avoiding confrontation.
How then do we speak the truth in love in order to help one another to attain Christian maturity? It’s not an easy process. The Christian life is not just about being a nice person. C. S. Lewis wrote, “It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely begin just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.” But good eggs don’t really want to be told that they are in danger of rotting. I don’t want to hear that and I don’t want to say it either.
Fortunately, we are given some guidelines in the Bible. In this passage God reminds us we must first look to our own work, carry our own load. We are also instructed in scripture to examine ourselves, look to the log in our own eye before we speak about the mote in someone else’s eye. Then we are to work for the good of all, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ. We must have their best interest at heart.
In Matthew,we are given explicit instructions about how to relate to another member of the church who has sinned against you, saying to first confront that person alone; if you get nowhere, then take a couple of brothers or sister with you and try again; if he or she still does not listen, take it to the church. If they do not listen to the church, let such a one be as a Gentile or a tax collector. But remember that Jesus minstered to and ate with Gentiles, tax collectors and other sinners. These instructions for conflict resolution are followed by a conversation about forgiveness, in which Jesus says that we should forgive those who sin against us not seven times as Peter suggests, but seventy-seven times. In Colossians, Paul instructs us to bear with each other and forgive any grievances as God has forgiven us.
Forgiveness is essential to the Christian life. But forgiveness with a generous heart is a spiritual discipline and, therefore, often not easy. Perhaps even harder is asking for one another’s forgiveness. But if we are to speak the truth in love to each other, it means examining our own hearts, caring about the hearts of others and expressing our concern for any pain or difficulty we have caused. We may be convinced we are in the right. We might even be right. If faced with the same situation, we might feel compelled to make the same choices. But if we have hurt someone else, we are called to acknowledge it, express our regret and ask them to forgive us.
A woman came to my office last week with a pressing spiritual and social concern. As we talked, it became clear that we had both examined this matter faithfully and scripturally, but that we had each come up with a different truth. We discussed the issue with some intensity for a while until I finally said, “I am sorry, sister. I know that you are speaking the truth as you have discerned it and that you feel called to witness, but I have prayerfully considered this matter and we come out in a different place. I hope that we can still love each other as sisters in Christ and pray for the Holy Spirit to give us guidance and direction. Thank you for speaking your truth. We must all speak the truth to each other in love or we are lost.” This brought forth emotion and a recognition of the deep sadness when discord happens in relationship with those from whom we expect a kinship. Can we affirm our kinship while recognizing the brokenness? Perhaps in this way we can move forward together lovingly, as Christ would have us do.
For some of us, speaking praise can be as difficult as confronting others with a hard truth. Many of us come from families unaccustomed to giving compliments and affirmation. Of course, we have all been drilled to say “thank you.” When someone gave you a piece of candy your parents asked,“What do you say?” Good manners are important but this is different than noticing what people are doing and really expressing gratitude.
Can we open our eyes to really see the gift that God has given us in each other and tell each other? Can we say, “Wow…that is beautiful. You are beautiful. You are loving. You are faithful. I see you are tired. I see you are sad. Thanks for making me laugh and lightening my load. I am grateful for you.” Jesus asks us to stay awake with him, open our eyes to what is really happening. And what I see happening in this congregation are manifestations of God’s grace and love breaking through in large and small ways every day.
We must support each other to become leaven, salt for the earth, instruments of God’s Holy desires for this world. Brother Roger of Taize writes, “this is how God loves the world… by placing in the midst of the world a ferment of communion, mutual love between believers, capable of penetrating the dough and causing it to rise.” The Kingdom of God is at hand in this time, in this place. We must not miss our opportunity to see it and rejoice in it, even as we work for the realization of what God dreams for us and for all of creation.
Prayer…Lord, open our eyes and our ears so that we may see Your glory in our midst—in creation, in community, in one another. Help us to help each other, confessing ourselves, sharing burdens, celebrating together, and rejoicing in the power of the truth to set us free. May we be led by your Holy Spirit in our thinking, in our speaking, and in our action, boldly carrying our truth-telling into the world so that we may particpate in the coming of Your peace and justice on earth. Amen.